The Yeti and the Baywatch DJ

If online dating is just a regular, common “thing” now, that means the initial glitches that came with it should be gone by now, right? WRONG. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

So here’s what’s been going on so far. I’m getting new messages daily, but none from anyone I see myself with. And the (very few) hot ones that I message don’t message me back. Can’t for the life of me figure out why cuz I’ve browsed the girls too and I’d go so far as to say I’m in the top 5%. Another one of life’s mysteries…Anyway, this started to make me think, “take what you can get”. So without sacrificing all of my standards, I accepted an invitation to a date.

He was a few years older than me, a little square and geeky looking, but otherwise friendly and entertaining enough to talk to. From his pics, he was a clean-shaven, auburn-haired white guy with a nice enough smile and the potential to be a fox if I were that interested in dating him/changing his wardrobe. We’ll call him Yeti as a foreshadowing of reasons I will reveal shortly.

Yeti (and a good portion of guys I’ve been talking to on OKC) lives close to downtown and doesn’t drive because he lives right by his work. Normally, this doesn’t fly because I live in the ‘burbs. I despise being the one to always drive. But I keep thinking maybe I’m single cuz I’m a snot, so I decide to let this slide. I haul my ass all the way to his nowhere-near-a-highway apartment and come face-to-face with the squeaky-clean guy from the pictures…wearing a full-fledged beard. I’m not talking hot Gerard Butler-style scruff; I mean full-fledged, curly, borderline ginger beard.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! How dare you make me drive all the way down to your area without even MENTIONING the facial hair that you failed to display in any of your SIX pictures or your profile! That is a serious deal-breaker for some people and you just forget to let me know? That’s like me showing up ten pounds heavier than I look in any of my pictures. NOT COOL. I don’t even have an issue with beards, I just felt so disrespected and conned. Maybe I do have an issue cuz when I kissed him goodbye on the cheek when I left, I kinda wanted to barf. Needless to say, I didn’t answer his follow-up text for a second date.

Date #2
If you’ve ever been on OKC, you’ll know that there is the option to search for specific criteria you’re looking for in someone, but that on the left-hand side of your screen, there are other suggestions for you that may not meet that criteria. I didn’t realize they didn’t meet the criteria, so when I saw a cute, blonde Nick Lachey-lookalike that I hadn’t browsed before, I got a little giddy. We’ll call him Baywatch. Seemed fun on his profile, pics were super-hot, and I just assumed he wouldn’t answer me like the other smokeshows didn’t. So instead of messaging him, I “rated” him (OKC’s passive-aggressive version of flirting) a 5/5. Aaaaand score: He wrote me! Can’t tell you how excited I was…until I saw that his height is 5’8.

Now in all fairness, I’m 5’1, but I feel like I’m 5’7 and get told ALL THE TIME that I seem way taller. I knooow this isn’t logical but 5’8 makes me feel like I can beat him up. Anyway, you’ll be proud because I swept it under the rug and kept talking to him. The convo was great and we clicked really well. So we decided to go out. I thought the date was for 8, it was actually for 7, comedic banter ensued, blah blah blah.

So when I saw him, he looked pretty good all around, but he seemed shorter than 5’8 (found out he’s actually 5’7 1/2) and I didn’t love his teeth. Teeth are non-negotiable for me. They’re the difference between me falling in love and not listening to you all night because I’m wondering if they’re breathing. His teeth weren’t monsters, but there were gaps between all of them and they weren’t as white as I’d hope for them to be. All fixable, but again, not ideal.

Now I’ll give the guy a break. He was a TOTAL gentleman, really fun, kept the convo going the whole night, everything you’d want in a first date. And here and there, I’d find myself strangely attracted to him. I think it was because he made me feel so at ease. He has a good job, used to be a house DJ (so fun!!!) a condo downtown, but again, no car. Akljdfkslkjdfhsldkfjhkdjfghkd. So annoying. Whatever, if he winds up being fantastic I’m willing to make the driving sacrifice.  It’ll be easier when I’m employed though :/. He’s going to Vancouver tomorrow for a few days, but we’re supposed to go out when he gets back. If nothing fantastical happens until then, I’ll update after the date.


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